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Jan 6 / Sam

6% of the Year 2010

The Vomiting Aura

The Vomiting Aura - 12/16/10

If you happen to be a member of the Armenian Apostolic Church, I bid you a Merry Christmas on this the 6th day of January, and also a Happy Epiphany, since you celebrate both on this day. Is it standard wishing procedure to say “Happy” Epiphany? I’m not sure. But since it’s Christmas for y’all, and since it’s a new year, I have gifts for you… and for the whole world for that matter. That’s right. I bequeath upon the entire world this gargantuan gift of………………… 20 migraine drawings added to the Doodle Sam website! And what better day to do so than on this day when I just so happen to have my first migraine of the new year?!

(Oh please! Don’t look so slighted! Christmas isn’t really about the gifts, right? I could have given you nothing. Be thankful. Don’t you know children are starving in China? And be patient. The link is at the end of the article.)

So, for the record, I had 20 migraines in 2010. That’s very close to 6% worth of the year. (My son told me, “Oh! Don’t do math! You’re only going to make it worse!”) To put it into perspective, a co-worker said, “6% doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you think that we get 23 days of sick/vacation time per year, if you took a day off for each migraine you would only have 3 days left for vacation!”

But I don’t take days off for migraines. I take drugs instead… “Hello, Fiorinal… whose name sounds like a fixture that I piss in…” and try to plow through these days. I usually feel like a turd the following day, a condition I refer to as “migraine hangover.” Speaking of which, if I drink while strung out on Fiorinal, not only do I require frequent urinal visitations (I visit them. They don’t come to me.), but I get messed up to the point I end up sprawled out on the floor. Once I ended up on a floor upon which I had no business being so prostratedly drunk. But that’s not really a story for Christmas Day, be ye Armenian or otherwise. Maybe another time. Or maybe not, as that’s something I don’t want y’all to know about me.

(Oh hell, I let the cat out of the bag again. The drunken one this time.)

Enough babbling from me. I know y’all are itching to receive this glorious gift I extend to you upon mine open hand. (Why do I keep saying “y’all” when I’m from New Jersey??) Click here to unwrap and cherish such marvelous benefaction: Doodle Sam dot Com. It’s like a digital Epiphany in its own right.

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. And “God bless us, every one!” Even you Armenians.

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