Browse Category: Migraines

The Best Laid Plans

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“The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry.” So said Robert Burns, apparently “to a mouse.”

“The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry… and sometimes they get absolutely crushed and the universe leaves you feeling like a turd.” So says Sam Snyder to whomever wants to listen, be he vermin or otherwise.

Such crushing happens when a migraine strikes. It makes it extremely difficult to maintain one’s plans when one feels like they can barely put one foot in front of the other. When you can’t move your feet properly, it becomes darn hard to run! This is how my running plans went awry yesterday.

With my new focus on more frequent running, I had plans to run yesterday and a pocketful of motivation to go with them. Even though I woke up at 3:30 AM with a migraine in progress, I still held onto hope that I would power through and run at lunchtime. I worked from home because I had way too much to do after being off for New Years. I thought about taking the day off and lying in bed in my misery. But that usually doesn’t help me when I have a migraine. Usually I can’t sleep. It seems better to work through my misery than to lie in it.

By the time lunch rolled around my pocketful of motivation was greatly diminished, as was my physical energy and my optimism toward life in general. It just wasn’t going to happen.

So, I planned to run at 4 PM when work was done.

At 4 PM there was a giant gaping hole in my pocket of motivation.

At that point I decided it would be torturous to run while feeling so ill. I have done it before. The first time was 3 years ago, as indicated in the picture attached to this article. That was a training run. For a long time, I knew I had to one day run with a migraine to see what happened. Nothing happened. The only difference was that, instead of being a lump of human refuse, I became a sweaty lump of human refuse. It didn’t do any harm. It didn’t do any good. I have also run two 5Ks with a migraine… because why waste my prepaid registration fees? At the first one I won first place in my age group. The other 50 year-olds must have been on crutches or something. I ran the second race because there was pizza served at the end. I would do nearly anything for pizza.

So as to not have my plans completely spoiled yesterday, I decided to walk at 5:30 PM. It was 18 degrees and felt like 4 with the wind. I figured that I felt so bad already, what big deal would it make to add frostbite to my condition? So, I walked a 5K. It didn’t do any harm. It didn’t do any good.

Having gotten a little exercise in, I ordered a pizza for myself. Like I said, I would do nearly anything for pizza, especially when I have a migraine. I don’t know what causes it but when I have a migraine I almost always end up craving pizza. It’s all I could think about on my walk. When I had 15 minutes of walking left, I called in an order for a large pie. The pizza guy said, “Give me about 15 minutes.” I said, “Perfect!” This part of the day went exactly according to plan! I ate 7 slices. No longer was I merely a lump of human refuse. I was a mound of it.

To sum up: My plans were severely altered thanks to a migraine. I did get a little exercise in. Then I promptly obliterated any benefit from said exercise by eating enough pizza for 3 1/2 people. Yes, yes, I did.

Today, I did better with my eating and ended the day with calories to spare. Plus, I ran 4 miles at lunchtime. It was a good run. My energy was a bit on the low side after the migraine. But I got out there and made a good effort of working off one of those slices of pizza.

While the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, we must remember that this is sometimes because God loves us and wants us to eat more pizza.

Half Marathon Training – “Houston, We Had a Problem”

Today’s Goal: 5 miles
Actual Distance: 0 miles
Time:
Weather:
Time of Day:
Notes: MIGRAINE


Tomorrow’s Goal: 3 miles


My day was wrecked by a migraine at 9 AM. It started at the exact moment I walked through the door into work. I kid you not. By the time I walked from the door to my desk, my vision was half distorted already. All day, I thought of how I was going to overcome the situation and run. I survived at work until 1:30, which included an hour long mid-year review discussion with my boss (which left me rather bothered). Then I had to call it quits and go home. I thought, If I sleep a few hours, maybe I’ll have more energy to run later. Nope. First, it was tough to get to sleep because I couldn’t stop thinking about several unfairly negative things my boss had to say. (Is it any wonder I get migraines?) After I did sleep, I awoke as a zombie. (Still not much improved at the time of this writing.) And, well, rather than write more descriptions of this condition, here’s a drawing to depict how I felt. A picture is worth a thousand words. In this case, “barf,” “decay,” “slime,” are a few of the sunny ones that come to mind.


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6% of the Year 2010

The Vomiting Aura
The Vomiting Aura - 12/16/10

If you happen to be a member of the Armenian Apostolic Church, I bid you a Merry Christmas on this the 6th day of January, and also a Happy Epiphany, since you celebrate both on this day. Is it standard wishing procedure to say “Happy” Epiphany? I’m not sure. But since it’s Christmas for y’all, and since it’s a new year, I have gifts for you… and for the whole world for that matter. That’s right. I bequeath upon the entire world this gargantuan gift of………………… 20 migraine drawings added to the Doodle Sam website! And what better day to do so than on this day when I just so happen to have my first migraine of the new year?!

(Oh please! Don’t look so slighted! Christmas isn’t really about the gifts, right? I could have given you nothing. Be thankful. Don’t you know children are starving in China? And be patient. The link is at the end of the article.)

So, for the record, I had 20 migraines in 2010. That’s very close to 6% worth of the year. (My son told me, “Oh! Don’t do math! You’re only going to make it worse!”) To put it into perspective, a co-worker said, “6% doesn’t sound like a lot, but when you think that we get 23 days of sick/vacation time per year, if you took a day off for each migraine you would only have 3 days left for vacation!”

But I don’t take days off for migraines. I take drugs instead… “Hello, Fiorinal… whose name sounds like a fixture that I piss in…” and try to plow through these days. I usually feel like a turd the following day, a condition I refer to as “migraine hangover.” Speaking of which, if I drink while strung out on Fiorinal, not only do I require frequent urinal visitations (I visit them. They don’t come to me.), but I get messed up to the point I end up sprawled out on the floor. Once I ended up on a floor upon which I had no business being so prostratedly drunk. But that’s not really a story for Christmas Day, be ye Armenian or otherwise. Maybe another time. Or maybe not, as that’s something I don’t want y’all to know about me.

(Oh hell, I let the cat out of the bag again. The drunken one this time.)

Enough babbling from me. I know y’all are itching to receive this glorious gift I extend to you upon mine open hand. (Why do I keep saying “y’all” when I’m from New Jersey??) Click here to unwrap and cherish such marvelous benefaction: Doodle Sam dot Com. It’s like a digital Epiphany in its own right.

Merry Christmas. Happy New Year. And “God bless us, every one!” Even you Armenians.

Migraine Karma

Never fake a migraine. For the next time you experience a real one, it will punish you mercilessly, like a Nazi.

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