Browse Category: Food

The Best Laid Plans

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“The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry.” So said Robert Burns, apparently “to a mouse.”

“The best laid schemes of mice and men often go awry… and sometimes they get absolutely crushed and the universe leaves you feeling like a turd.” So says Sam Snyder to whomever wants to listen, be he vermin or otherwise.

Such crushing happens when a migraine strikes. It makes it extremely difficult to maintain one’s plans when one feels like they can barely put one foot in front of the other. When you can’t move your feet properly, it becomes darn hard to run! This is how my running plans went awry yesterday.

With my new focus on more frequent running, I had plans to run yesterday and a pocketful of motivation to go with them. Even though I woke up at 3:30 AM with a migraine in progress, I still held onto hope that I would power through and run at lunchtime. I worked from home because I had way too much to do after being off for New Years. I thought about taking the day off and lying in bed in my misery. But that usually doesn’t help me when I have a migraine. Usually I can’t sleep. It seems better to work through my misery than to lie in it.

By the time lunch rolled around my pocketful of motivation was greatly diminished, as was my physical energy and my optimism toward life in general. It just wasn’t going to happen.

So, I planned to run at 4 PM when work was done.

At 4 PM there was a giant gaping hole in my pocket of motivation.

At that point I decided it would be torturous to run while feeling so ill. I have done it before. The first time was 3 years ago, as indicated in the picture attached to this article. That was a training run. For a long time, I knew I had to one day run with a migraine to see what happened. Nothing happened. The only difference was that, instead of being a lump of human refuse, I became a sweaty lump of human refuse. It didn’t do any harm. It didn’t do any good. I have also run two 5Ks with a migraine… because why waste my prepaid registration fees? At the first one I won first place in my age group. The other 50 year-olds must have been on crutches or something. I ran the second race because there was pizza served at the end. I would do nearly anything for pizza.

So as to not have my plans completely spoiled yesterday, I decided to walk at 5:30 PM. It was 18 degrees and felt like 4 with the wind. I figured that I felt so bad already, what big deal would it make to add frostbite to my condition? So, I walked a 5K. It didn’t do any harm. It didn’t do any good.

Having gotten a little exercise in, I ordered a pizza for myself. Like I said, I would do nearly anything for pizza, especially when I have a migraine. I don’t know what causes it but when I have a migraine I almost always end up craving pizza. It’s all I could think about on my walk. When I had 15 minutes of walking left, I called in an order for a large pie. The pizza guy said, “Give me about 15 minutes.” I said, “Perfect!” This part of the day went exactly according to plan! I ate 7 slices. No longer was I merely a lump of human refuse. I was a mound of it.

To sum up: My plans were severely altered thanks to a migraine. I did get a little exercise in. Then I promptly obliterated any benefit from said exercise by eating enough pizza for 3 1/2 people. Yes, yes, I did.

Today, I did better with my eating and ended the day with calories to spare. Plus, I ran 4 miles at lunchtime. It was a good run. My energy was a bit on the low side after the migraine. But I got out there and made a good effort of working off one of those slices of pizza.

While the best laid plans of mice and men often go awry, we must remember that this is sometimes because God loves us and wants us to eat more pizza.

On Making Lentil Soup

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“Dad, can you send me the CliffNotes version of how you make lentil soup?”

OK. When I first began making lentil soup, I followed the recipe on the lentils package. I’ve modified it and just do it by routine now.

The first thing to do is rinse the lentils. You want to make sure they are clean and also free of hard, dead-looking lentils. I believe there is a note on the package that says there could even be small stones in there. So, you have to rinse them in a colliander and root around in them a little. You don’t want to chip a tooth on a rock while eating soup, unless you’re eating rock soup. Then it’s the risk you have to take.

Put the rinsed lentils in a pot and add water. Whatever the package calls for, I add 2 more cups. I like it a little soupier rather than thicker. Also, the extra water is a lifesaver when you get distracted and forget that you’re cooking soup. Like if you see a bird or squirrel and run off to try to get a good picture of it for your blog. (CLICK HERE to watch what life is like with ADHD.)

I add a whole onion, usually Vidalia. I dice up a few carrots and toss them in. With a garlic press, I crush up two or three cloves of garlic. I like my soup a little heavy on the garlic. That keeps people away from me for a day or two after I eat the soup. I love soup! People? Not so much.

For seasoning, I use one bouillon cube per cup of water minus one. For example (if you’re not good at math), if I put 8 cups of water in the pot, I use 7 bouillon cubes. I add two (more math) bay leaves, some salt and pepper, dried basil, thyme, tarragon, dill, and oregano. I add all these by “feel.”

Bring the concoction to a boil. Then turn the heat down low to simmer. Put a lid on it, but not too tight. Never let your lid get too tight. Your pot will boil over. Simmer for 45 minutes or until the lentils are soft but not completely mushy. If you get distracted, as mentioned above, your lentils will be mushy. That’s okay as long as they don’t burn to the bottom of the pot. If that ends up being the case, you didn’t just get distracted, you probably fell asleep.

There you have it.

I am also PRETTY GOOD AT THIS!

Voodoo Peeps Reprise

In praise of Easter, the ubiquitous Peeps, and, well, the desire for revenge – I give you “Voodoo Peeps.”

This tasty little tidbit was written in July, 2003. Like Peeps, it’s one of my favorites.

If you’re really angry at someone today, maybe this article will prevent you from murdering them. Happy Easter.

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“Voodoo Peeps”
(originally posted here: Heron Flight Rand-O-Blog – July, 2003)

Ever feel like biting someone’s head off? Have a few people on your scene who deserve to have their heads chewed off and spit out like a piece of rancid beef? Would you do it if you knew you could get away with it?

Well… Until you come up with your plan for the perfect head chomping crime, I’ve got a little diversion for you. VOODOO PEEPS! These little peckers are oh so willing to vicariously give their lives in place of the big peckers in your life who really deserve to have there heads gnawed off. And it keeps you out of trouble!

First, start with a fresh box of marshmallow Peeps at Easter time. Remove the wrapping and put the box away somewhere. Forget about it until July, when the Peeps are perfectly stale. (They’re best that way!)

Let those peeps stale for a few months.
Let those peeps get stale for a few months.

Then, when some fowl excuse for a human being gets your tail feathers all in a knot, remove one of your little Peep friends from the box. (Note: Though you are peeved and all in a huff like a hen who just laid the mother of all eggs, be gentle in removing the Peep so as not to tear the guts out of his fellow beside him. You will need him at a later date for sure. Jerks of a feather flock together. If you have one jerk in your life, more are bound to follow.) Carefully position the Peep within your finger tips, using your pinky as a perch for your sugar-feathered friend.

The perfect Peep
The perfect Peep

Step three, the most satisfying part of the process: With gusto and delight, with soaring abandon, yet with precision, bite the hell out of his little soft body and rip his head right off his mallow shoulders! Do it as a starved buzzard who hasn’t seen a rotting carcass in weeks! Birds do not have teeth, but you do! Do your carnivorous worst! Bare those canines! Chomp down! Fill his jugular with all of your venemous anger!

Off with his head!
Off with his head!

But! Before you swallow, savor the moment! Toss his little egg-head around within your cheeks! Allow his sticky little cranium to migrate from one side of your mouth to the other! Suck his little brains out and feel your frustrations flock away as so many startled sparrows!

Is that a Peep in your mouth or are you just happy to see me?
Is that a Peep in your mouth or are you just happy to see me?

Ingest and smile!

Nice beard.
Nice beard.

Feel better? I knew you would! (A little birdy told me!)

May the purple Peep of happiness send droppings of peace upon you always! (Send pieces of droppings on you always?? Nah!!)